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I’m not scared of my 30s… or am I?
I am almost 28. I have a few months left of 27, which means I will have to accept that I am firmly in my late 20s, and 30 is just around the corner. I’ve never been one to be scared of my 30s. On the contrary, I’ve looked forward to turning 30 since I was in my early 20s.
Between one of my favourite rom coms (13 Going On 30) and a handful of 30-something social media personalities and content creators that I’ve followed for a few years now, 30s look fun. Everyone always described it as your 20s, but with more money, which sounds like a dream. Who wouldn’t look forward to that?!
‘Thirty, flirty and thriving’ is the phrase that comes to mind when I think of entering my 30s – a phrase coined in 13 Going On 30. An era where I’ll finally have all my shit together, and I’ll finally know what I want and I’ll be thriving. While I still want this for myself, the fast approaching age of 30 is now filling me with dread as I don’t think I have the foundation for it laid.
Somewhere along the way, I ended up idealising my 30s. I created a reality where everything will fall into place on my way there and once the clock strikes midnight on 18th May 2027, my life will be perfect. I thought I’d have the building blocks ready in my late 20s. But now that I’m in my late 20s and still feeling directionless, I’m a little scared.
There are many things I thought I’d do in my 20s. I remember turning 20 in university and thinking about how much I wanted to do in the next nine years. Figure out my career, live in a different country, try new things, get some tattoos and piercings, fall in love. I even have my bucket list of countries – I want to reach 30 countries before 30 (currently on 25, which I guess isn’t too bad).
Essentially, there are many things I want to achieve before I turn 30 and it feels like time is running out. But this is the problem with creating mental timelines instead of just going along with the flow of life. As much as I tried to tell myself life does not end at 30, for some reason I still created deadlines for 30, which doesn’t actually make much sense.
So now that I’ve reflected on all this, what happens next? Well I guess the next step is to remove those expectations, or the weight behind them. I need to know within myself that the world does not end if I don’t meet these imaginary deadlines. There’s still so much life to live after 30.
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Guide to moving on
So you’ve just been done dirty by someone. It could be a friend, a family member or a sexual or romantic partner. Here’s my steps on how to move on:
Step one: DO NOT lean on any unhealthy vices. These will do nothing but distract you from the actual process. Put down the liquor and put down the drugs. Don’t go back to cigarettes or vapes. Don’t spend all your nights in the club using the loud music to drown out your thoughts. Just don’t.
Step two: Sit with your emotions. This is probably the hardest thing to do when you’re hurt. Sit with your hurt and figure out the ‘why’. ‘Why did this hurt me so much?’ This is where journaling comes in handy. Or voice notes. Or video diaries. Whichever medium you find easiest to express your feelings, use it. Interrogate your thoughts and feelings. Cry, scream, do whatever you need to do but make sure you feel.
Step three: Lean on your support system. Whether that is one friend or ten. Your sister or your cousin. Whoever you are comfortable venting to, that is comfortable with you venting to them – do it. As much as you might feel like a bother sometimes, there are people that love you and are willing to help you get through this tough time. Don’t push them away – lean on them.
Step four: NO social media stalking! This new age of social media can make it super hard to move on. Sometimes you just want to check their pages to see if they’re just as miserable as you are. Newsflash! They’re not. And it will only make you miserable to rediscover that fact over and over again. So leave their pages alone. Block them if you have to.
Step five: Find HEALTHY distractions. HEAVY emphasis on HEALTHY! Whether that’s a new hobby, like pottery or knitting, or exercise, or cooking. Find something that nourishes your soul and takes up your time. If it’s something that you can build a community around, even better! But use your free time to do healthy things instead of spending your every waking moment thinking about that person.
Step six: Be strong. You’re probably wondering what this means – it does sound pretty vague. It means that whenever you get the urge to reach out to that person you know is no good for you, to seek validation in any way – Don’t. This one takes a lot of work and a lot of practice but after a while, you won’t get those urges anymore.
Step seven: You’re there. You’ve finally moved on. You’re moving forward with your life. Some steps might take longer than others. You might make progress and then go backwards and then forwards again. But one day you’ll wake up and realise that situation doesn’t even bother you anymore and you’ll finally be free.
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5 Books to Discover by Black Authors (2024 Edition)
It’s Black History Month in the UK and Ireland again. This year, the theme is Reclaiming Narratives, recognising and correcting the narratives around black history and black culture. The focus is on shining a brighter light on our stories, allegories, and history.
For almost 10 years, I have focused on reading books by black authors. This year, I made a resolution to read at least one book a month, with all those books being by black authors. I’ve compiled a list of 5 of my favourite books by black authors this year, in no particular order:
In this short novel, Akwaeke takes us through the shadows of Lagos nightlife. A woman’s decision leads to a domino effect of chaos and debauchery. Set in a ‘New Lagos’, this novel takes us through the lives of friends who become entangled in a dramatic mess. I enjoyed the new world this novel opened me up to, introducing a story I’ve never encountered before.
Other books by Akwaeke Emezi: Freshwater, Pet, The Death of Vivek Oji, Dear Senthuran: A Black Spirit Memoir, Bitter, You Made a Fool of Death with Your Beauty.
Obianuju is a bright, brilliant and educated young woman. In Nigeria in the 1970s, Obianuju and her two best friends, university students at the University of Lagos, are almost a minority. Especially with the stark comparison of her much more traditional mother. In the constant search for her mother’s approval, Obianuju rushes into a marriage with a man she knows her mother will view as the perfect match. Tomorrow I Become a Woman is a raw account of Obianuju’s experience with domestic violence, with themes of love and loss.
Other books by Aiwanose Odafen: We Were Girls Once.
Kambirinachi is an Ogbanje, and Ogbanje’s are not expected to live long enough to make it to adulthood. Against her nature, she grows up to marry the love of her life and give birth to twin daughters: Kehinde and Taiye. Francesca takes us through Kambirinachi’s turbulent childhood, and her children’s chaotic lives. It is a story of family & forgiveness, love & loss, and trauma & healing.
The comedic writer Damilare Kuku captivates her audience with yet another bizarre and funny title. Temi is a university graduate convinced that all her life problems will be solved once she gets a BBL (Brazilian butt lift) and moves to Lagos to use her new assets. While the title that draws you in is funny, this novel is quite serious, covering issues of body dysmorphia, rape and different family dynamics and issues.
Other books by Damilare Kuku: Nearly All The Men in Lagos are Mad.
Selasi and Akorfa are not just cousins, they’re best friends. But as is sometimes the case with best friends, they grow apart as they grow older. Peace Adzo Medie cleverly takes us into the minds of both girls, showing us the different perspectives of the breakdown of the relationship and making me unsure of where I stand.
Other books by Peace Adzo Medie: His Only Wife.
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Songs of the summer
Summer is not over yet. Contrary to popular (British) belief, summer does not end when carnival is done. It ends with the autumn equinox, which falls on 22 September.
However, we have had a number of songs of the summer. Some entries came in fall, earlier in the summer, and we had a few trickle in more recently. For me, a song of the summer is one that you can hear in years to come and associate it with the summer of that year. Like Controlla or Work or One Dance in 2016. A song that transports you back to that moment in time.
So here are my entries for this year:
- TGIF by Glorilla
At 7PM every Friday I can feel my ears itching to listen to this song. One of three summer bangers Glorilla dropped this year, this song has an undeniably catchy chorus. For me, I don’t think I can ever forget Victoria Monet’s choreography to this at All Points East, performed at 7PM on a Friday.
- KEHLANI by Jordan Adetunji
This song was so popular on TikTok that Kehlani herself jumped on the remix. If you’re on the video sharing app, there’s no way you haven’t heard this song before. My favourite thing about the song is the sample, especially because Over It is my favourite Summer Walker album.
- Get It Sexyy by Sexyy Red
There wasn’t a day party that did not play this song at least once this summer. Sexyy Red has been blessing us with fun & ratchet music for months and this is the song I associate the most with Summer 2024.
- Not Like Us by Kendrick Lamar
Arguably the best thing to come from the Kendrick-Drake beef of 2024 is this song. It’s almost like Kendrick knew that the best way to annoy Drake is to make the hottest song of the summer – something that’s usually Drake’s lane. To make it worse, the video was fantastic too. A phenomenal move from Kendrick.
- MILLION DOLLAR BABY by Tommy Richman
Another TikTok banger but this time with a simple and catchy choreography. Tommy Richman’s high pitched singing mixed with the old school beat and style made this song so catchy. Like, it’s been on my Spotify ‘On Repeat’ playlist for two months – that kind of catchy.
- Soh-Soh by Odeal
Odeal has been dropping R&B masterpieces for years but this song, which infuses Afrobeats elements, might be my favourite from him. The song sounds like something you’d play on the beach on vacation. When I saw the simple TikTok choreo, I just had to learn it and make a video of my own.
- Favourite Girl (Remix) by Darkoo & Rema
The original song was already hitting the airwaves like crack in the 80s. You could not escape it. But this remix?! I heard it for the first time at Wireless Festival when Rema brought Darkoo out and I was obsessed since then. As always, Rema delivered. Darkoo’s second verse was also fantastic. I definitely prefer the remix to the original.
If you’d like to hear some more of my songs of the summer, listen to my ‘summer twenty four’ playlist on Spotify.
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Afrobeats is still for the lovers
Afrobeats is known for its rhythmic beats that make you want to dance. For the most part, it’s an upbeat genre and the main goal of the songs, particularly the mainstream songs, is to get you out of your seats. Nigerians love to party so it makes sense that most of our music is party music.
Since the beginning of the genre, there have been love songs. Classic wedding songs like 2Baba’s “African Queen” and P-Square’s “No One Like You” that are still played at events 20 years later.
There has been a lot of online discourse about what the new versions of those older classics are. People claim that there aren’t any more love songs in the genre. As an avid listener of Afrobeats, I know that to be untrue.
If you look deeper than the surface level mainstream stuff, or even just listen to the lyrics of some of those songs, you’ll also know that it is untrue.
To jog everyone’s memory or even put you on to some new songs, I’ve made a list of 10 of my favourite Afrobeats love songs in the last 5 years. In no particular order:
Show Me Off
Asa
“You are the apple of my eye
You are the highlight everyday
You are the one who makes me happy everyday”
Running (To You)
Chike & Simi
“Sunup to sun down, loving no go run down”
Again
Wande Coal
“It’s not a lie, you set my soul on fire”
Omo T’emi
Flavour
“I dey fall in love with you everyday
I dey fall in love with you in so many ways”
DKT
Oxlade
“You been on my radar
With me you are safer”
No Competition
Davido & Asake
“Cause you got my soul, my soul
You’re the melody for my soul”
Terminator
Asake
“We don get agreement oh
No terminating”
Lagos Love Story
Ayra Starr
“I don fall in love
So na this one una dey enjoy”
Special Kinda
Tiwa Savage & Tay Iwar
“Let me into you
All the things I’ll do for you”
Repete
Blackmagic
“I’ll be that happiness that moves your heart
And when you sleep I’ll find my way into your dreams”
For more songs, listen to my playlist ‘love nwantiti’ on Apple Music & Spotify
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Guide to summer in London
It’s June which means London summer has officially started. The weather isn’t cooperating yet but we can’t let that slow us down.
Summer is the best time to be from London. The weather is (usually) great, the vibes are fantastic and the activities are endless. I decided to make a list of some events and activities to keep an eye out for this summer.
Festivals & Concerts
- BST Hyde Park (28 June – 14 July) – From Andrea Bocelli to SZA to Kings of Leon, BST Hyde Park has something for everyone. Taking place across multiple days, this festival presents a variety of artists delivering electrifying performances. Day tickets from £85.
- Burna Boy (29 June) – Following the success from his most recent album, Burna Boy presents the I Told Them tour. The tour stops by the London Stadium at the end of June – tickets are still available. Remaining tickets from £103.
- The Recipe (6 July) – DLT Brunch, a black London staple event, launches their R&B festival. Complete with unlimited food & drink, fairground rides and a pamper station, this festival promises to be a great one. The line-up includes Jazmine Sullivan as a headliner, who will be performing in the UK for the first time in 10 years. Remaining tickets from £197.
- Big Smoke Festival (6 July) – If R&B isn’t your thing, Skepta is launching his first ever festival on the 6th July. Featuring himself as the headline act, the festival also includes a mix of genres and talents. Tickets from £73.
- Wireless Festival (12 – 14 July) – A London summer staple, Wireless returns for the 19th year. The all-star line-up features Nicki Minaj, Doja Cat, Rema and Tyla, among many others. Day tickets from £95.
- All Points East (16 – 25 August) – This 10-day annual festival features musical performances from an array of artists such as Kaytranada, Andre 3000 and Victoria Monet. Tickets from £76.
- Piano People in the Park (23 August) – Leading amapiano brand presents their first ever festival headlined by Scorpion Kings. If you love a groove, you don’t want to miss this one. Remaining tickets from £51.
Activities
- Bento cake decorating – Bento cakes are mini cakes originating from South Korea. They’re easy to make on your own but if you’d like to do it as a group activity, there are classes and workshops. On my list is Cakes and convos – a bento cake decorating community. They don’t have any workshops in June but keep an eye out on their Instagram for upcoming workshops! From £65 per person.
- Rug making – This random and creative activity has recently taken over my TikTok feed. It allows you to create a cute, handmade gift for yourself or a loved one. Tufting London have beginner friendly workshops available for anyone that wants to try their hand at making their own rug. Prices from £150 for mini rug making workshop.
- Sculpting workshops – This summer you can channel your creativity into creating your own unique sculpture. Meet The Social run a number of events in the UK and Amsterdam. Their London events are Caribbean afternoon tea & sculpting, and a Sculpt & Sip experience. Tickets from £32.
- Taste Film Club – A film club with a twist, Taste Film pairs classic film screenings with a menu that allows viewers to eat the foods from the film. June picks are Pulp Fiction and Mamma Mia, while July picks are Shrek 2 and Mean Girls. From £80 per person.
- Rooftop Film Club – The return of summer means the return of rooftop film screenings. On my list to try is Rooftop Film Club, with locations in Peckham and Stratford. There are weekly screenings of a number of movies, from classics like Notting Hill and Love & Basketball, to more recent blockbusters like Nope and Everything Everywhere All At Once. Tickets from £17.
- Bottomless brunch – Summer is the best time for a bottomless brunch date with your friends. These brunches are becoming increasingly popular in London, with prices ranging from affordable to more boujie. Prices from £30 per person.
- Day parties – The beginning of summer means more day parties. There are a number of day parties always taking place in London. Whether it’s Sika Ents or Dankie Sounds, 1Way or Everyday People, there’s a day party for everyone.
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Guide to getting back on your zoom!
Welcome to the fifth (and best) month of the year!
If you’re like me, you might have made some resolutions or promises to yourself at the beginning of the year. I usually have a list of resolutions, wider categories and broken down goals within each one. It makes it a bit more realistic and attainable and helps me get on my zoom.
There’s so much hope at the beginning of the year. You’re super energised and optimistic for the year. You make the savings pots, buy all the healthy foods, get your gym subscription. This year will be different. Then you fall off and the disappointment wants to eat you whole.
That was me this year. I promised myself to make monthly blog posts. Frequent enough that it’s a step up from last year but not too frequent where it becomes a daunting task. Then I didn’t post in March or April. It felt like I let myself down massively. It might not seem like a big deal, but I wanted to prioritise consistency this year. I felt like “if I can’t even blog consistently, what’s the point?”
So I’ve made a list of things you can do when you fall off, to get back on your zoom:
- Set realistic goals – The easiest way to achieve a goal is for it to be realistic. Start with something more easily attainable then work your way up or down. Instead of starting with 25K steps a day, start with 10K and increase it over time.
- Have an accountability partner – Sometimes it’s easier to be accountable to others than to yourself. Find a friend (or a stranger) on the same path as you that you can have regular check-ins with.
- Create reminders – Life gets busy, things slip our minds or fall off our radars. To avoid or mitigate this, set reminders for anything and everything. Eventually it becomes like second nature.
- Train your inner voice – Sometimes you fall off the wagon because of negative self talk. This can lead to imposter syndrome or talking yourself out of doing things you actually want to do. It’s not easy but you have to become conscious of what thoughts pass through your mind and train your inner voice to be more positive.
- Don’t be afraid to look stupid – No one has ever started at perfection. It takes a lot of practice, hard work and effort to get there. And this can sometimes mean looking stupid, whether that’s talking to your audience of one or not doing a workout right the first time. Just keep going and eventually you’ll get better.
Do you have any tips or tricks you use to get back on your zoom?
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Romcoms for your Valentines/Galentines night
I am not a movie person; I’m one of those people that would rather read the book than watch the film. On the rare occasion that I watch a film, it can take me more than a day to get through it. But one genre I will always be sat for is a romcom.
Romantic comedies, colloquially referred to as romcoms, are a subgenre of romantic and comedy fiction. As a hopeless romantic, the fairytale endings in romcoms help to feed my delusions of true love. The comedy is also a huge bonus since I love a good laugh.
It would be very hard for me to pick my favourite romcoms of all time. So here is a random list of some of my favourites:
13 Going on 30
This movie fuelled my excitement about turning 30. In this 2004 classic, Jenna Rink is tired of her adolescent years. After an embarrassing 13th birthday celebration, she wishes to more than double her age. When her wish is granted, she is left to use her 13 year old brain to figure out life as a 30 year old woman. So she enlists the help of her childhood best friend.
Trope: Friends to lovers
How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days
Another early 2000s classic, this film follows a journalist and an advertising executive who make bets with their colleagues that bring them together. While Andie’s instructed to date and lose a guy in 10 days for a magazine article, Ben is instructed to make any woman fall in love with him. The allure of this movie for me is in the glimpses we see of them beginning to genuinely fall for each other.
Trope: Fake relationship / Enemies to lovers
The Holiday
This one’s more of a Christmas movie but it’s still a romcom – a holiday romcom. Two heartbroken women decide to switch places. Amanda, a big-time movie exec from LA, and Iris, a journalist from London, find each other on a home swap website and decide to travel far away to nurse their broken hearts. Of course, they happen to find love on the other side of the Atlantic Ocean. This film convinced me that the cure for heartbreak is to book a trip (I mean, was I wrong?).
Trope: Holiday romance
Just Wright
One of my absolute favourite films of all time, Queen Latifah and Common captivated me in this basketball romcom. Queen Latifah is Leslie Wright, a physical therapist and die-hard basketball fan that is unlucky in love. When she meets her star basketball player, Scott McKnight, it doesn’t start off as a romantic love. The initial spark is extinguished by her godsister Morgan. But when tragedy occurs and Morgan disappears, Scott and Leslie are able to slowly fall in love with each other.
Trope: Friends to lovers / Work romance
About Last Night
This romcom was conveniently released on Valentines Day 2014. Starring Kevin Hart (as Bernie) and Regina Hall (as Joan), you already know this movie will be hilarious. But the main characters are Danny (Michael Ealy) and Debbie (Joy Bryant). Danny and Debbie meet on a double date with Bernie and Joan. The film takes us on a journey of their relationship. When they break up after many arguments, it seems like all hope is lost. But the end isn’t always the end.
Trope: Second chance
Always Be My Maybe
The most recent film on this list, the 2019 Netflix original had me in a chokehold for months following its release. Between the obvious and corny friends-to-lovers trope and the movie name being a play on one of my favourite Mariah Carey songs, I was absolutely obsessed with this film. Sasha and Marcus grow up living next door to each other. They experience life’s tragedies together before being pulled apart by… well, life. But in the end, as it sometimes does, it all works out.
Trope: Friends to lovers
What do you think of my list? What are some of your favourite romcoms?
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Guide to SAD szn
Winter is here. The season all the SAD girlies and boys have been dreading. SAD (seasonal affective disorder), also known as “winter depression”, is often linked to shorter days and reduced exposure to sunlight during the autumn and winter. We’re already out of daylight savings and it’s starting to get dark at 4PM. I asked my Instagram community for some tips on how to be less grumpy and I think they work for the SAD girlies too. So here are my top tips for surviving winter:
- Regular walks: I love walks. I love the fresh air, being able to think or listen to a podcast/music or talk to friends on the phone. Of course, there’s a scientific aspect to it. Regular walking enhances the natural release of endorphins, which stimulate relaxation and improve your mood. Add the physical benefits such as increased cardiovascular fitness and boosting muscle power and endurance. It can be harder to walk in the colder months but once you wrap up a little bit and get out there, you won’t regret it.
- Regular exercise: Physical activity is great for improving brain health, strengthening bones and muscles, and reducing risk of disease. It releases feel-good endorphins and other brain chemicals to enhance your sense of well-being. Regular exercise can vary from boxing to pilates to yoga to rock climbing; there are many forms of exercise. It can be hard to get started, but once you do it usually gets easier. Signing up for your local gym or using Class Pass to access fitness classes and activities is an easy way to get into regular exercise.
- Attitude of gratitude / change of mindset: The Dalai Lama and Archbishop Desmond Tutu’s book ‘The Book of Joy’ describes gratitude as “the recognition of all that holds us in the web of life and all that has made it possible to have the life that we have and the moment that we are experiencing.” Happiness does not make us grateful, but rather gratitude makes us happy. Studies have shown a physical and mental benefit of showing gratitude, including improvement of sleep, mood and immunity. One thing I incorporated is a gratitude journal, which helps me make a conscious effort to show gratitude on a daily basis.
- Healthy eating: This one is one I find very hard. When you’re SAD or in a bit of a funk, you often find yourself wanting to binge eat junk food or sweet treats. But the best thing to do is actually curating a varied and balanced diet for yourself. A varied, healthy diet can improve your memory, concentration and can even increase your level of optimism and protect you from depression. The physical and emotional benefits of a healthy diet are unmatched. Some of my favourite healthy snacks include blueberries, oranges, broccoli and carrots, among other things. I like to do a little research on the health benefits of fruits and veg so I know what to include in my diet.
- Funtivities: Funtivities are fun activities. These can be bowling, trampoline parks, arcades, escape rooms, games nights, ice skating. Any activity you consider to be fun is a funtivity. This allows you to connect with your community and is scientifically proven to improve your mood, confidence and mental health, while reducing stress.
- Music: If you’re a music addict like me, you’ll know firsthand how music can elevate your mood. Research has shown that listening to music can reduce anxiety, blood pressure, and pain as well as improve sleep quality, mood, mental alertness, and memory. Create a playlist of upbeat songs to start your day so you don’t fall into the trap of having a SAD day.
- Prayer: Whether you’re religious or not, prayer can be something you can use as a means of connecting to a higher power. Prayer can reduce feelings of isolation, anxiety and fear. It can strengthen your mindset while also helping you maintain a positive outlook on life.
- SAD lamps: This is perhaps the most practical way to combat SAD. It’s thought the light may improve SAD by encouraging your brain to reduce the production of melatonin (a hormone that makes you sleepy) and increase the production of serotonin (a hormone that affects your mood).
If you struggle with SAD, let me know in the comments what you’ve found to be the most effective way to keep yourself out of that rut.
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5 Books to Discover this Black History Month
Black History Month is celebrated every October across the UK & Ireland. Over the course of the month, people have the opportunity to celebrate and learn about black heritage and culture.
I’ve put together a list of books I think everyone should discover and read to celebrate Black History Month. In no particular order:
Set between Ghana and the US, Homegoing takes the reader on an emotional journey through history. It follows a number of characters over different generations spanning from the same family tree. With key historical touchpoints such as colonialism and slavery, this novel educates the reader on the rich and tragic history of black people on the continent and in the diaspora.
Other books by Yaa Gyasi: Transcendent Kingdom
One of my favourite books ever, Half of a Yellow Sun is a fictional novel about the Biafran war from the viewpoint of three protagonists. Adichie’s ability to weave the love stories of the three protagonists into tragedy is an art form. Although it is fictional, the details of the war included are based on factual accounts, including some disturbing and shocking.
Other books by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie: Americanah, Purple Hibiscus
This book is a personal history of Biafra, as told by Chinua Achebe, an African literary legend. Widely considered one of the defining works of modern African non-fiction, There Was a Country combines vivid first-hand accounts with in-depth research of the historical context in which the events leading up to, during and following the Biafran war took place.
Other books by Chinua Achebe: Things Fall Apart, Arrow of God, No Longer at Ease
The former host of The Daily Show penned this heartfelt and humorous memoir about his childhood growing up in apartheid South Africa. He writes about learning about race and identity, and all the stories that shaped him into the man he is today.
The first of seven books in an autobiographical series, I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings is a coming-of-age story based on the life of Maya Angelou. The book follows her from ages 3 to 16, growing up in the Jim Crow era, contending with the struggles of racism and self-affirmation.
Other books by Maya Angelou: And Still I Rise, Letter To My Daughter, Mom & Me & Mom
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The Wonderful World of Minotaur 