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Finishing the year strong
It’s the end of November. If you haven’t already, you’ll soon start taking stock of the year – your wins, your losses, and everything in between…
If you’re anything like me, you probably set goals at the start of the year. A list of things you hoped to achieve before the end of the year. And while some things went to plan, others… didn’t. You win some, you lose some. Such is life.
Here’s a short guide on how to finish the year strong:
- Write down all your wins: Sometimes you don’t realise just how much you’ve achieved until you put it on paper. It could be something as small as keeping a job the whole year, starting a new one, or simply surviving a difficult season. You’ve made it this far and your resilience deserves recognition from you.
- Make smaller goals: aAs mentioned in my Guide to setting realistic goals, it’s easier to achieve big dreams when you break them down into smaller, actionable steps. To finish the year strong and also lay a solid foundation for the next one, set a few mini-goals you can realistically accomplish before the year ends.
- Keep going: Consistency is key. You might be really close to achieving your goals but also close to giving up as the year is almost over. Don’t. Keep going. You can still make meaningful progress.
- Set the foundations for a great 2026: As you reflect on your wins and losses from 2025, think about what you want to carry into the new year and what you’re ready to leave behind. Start planning now so you can start the year feeling grounded, clear and prepared.
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Top 5 reads of 2025
I did it – I finally hit my Goodreads goal of 20 books this year! Considering I only read 12 last year, I’m feeling pretty proud of myself. With November still going strong, I’m pushing for 24, but for now, here are the five books that have been my favourites so far:
Sweet Heat by Bolu Babalola
The sequel to her debut novel Honey & Spice, this was one I’d been eagerly waiting for. I was so excited to read it that I avoided the snippet Bolu posted on her blog – I wanted to experience the full thing as a cohesive project. And it did not disappoint. This one is for the real yearners. It is a very Black British book and, though it could be cringe sometimes (not as cringe as Honey & Spice), it had me giggling and kicking my feet.
Cursed Daughters by Oyinkan Braithwaite
Maybe I have a thing for second novels? This was the long-awaited return from Oyinkan Braithwaite, and she surpassed her debut by far. Following the Falodun family and generations of cursed women, this novel explores some of the most compelling facets of love, loss and legacy, as well as superstitions.
Matriarch by Tina Knowles
Would I even be me if I didn’t read Beyoncé’s mother’s autobiography? As part of my foray into the world of audiobooks, I’ve been listening to more memoirs on my walks. Hearing Ms Tina talk about growing up in the South was fascinating. Her life before marriage and before her two incredible daughters was captivating. And of course, I loved getting into some Beyonce lore along the way!
Their Eyes Were Watching God by Zora Neale Hurston
The main reason I am adding this book to this list is because of how pleasantly it surprised me. It took me about three attempts to finally get into this book, and when I did, I couldn’t put it down. There’s something about a book set in a different time and place that can be utterly mesmerising. And, as always, I’m a sucker for a good love story – even one that ends in tragedy.
One Day by David Nicholls
Speaking of love stories ending in tragedy… I had to include my favourite book from my Love Month reads (see: minoreads). Fortunately or unfortunately, I had already watched the Netflix series last year, and when a colleague recommended that I read the book, I caved. I couldn’t put it down. There’s something about a slow-burn romance that unfolds across years that is so beautiful to follow across the pages.
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5 Books to discover by black authors (2025 edition)
For UK & Ireland Black History Month this year, the theme is “Standing Firm in Power and Pride”. It celebrates leadership, activism and the ongoing journey toward empowerment and growth.
In honour of that, I’ve put together a list of five powerful books by black authors that I believe embody this theme:
- Narrative of the Life of Frederick Douglass
It’s one thing to read about slavery through history books, but it’s another thing to hear it told through the voice of someone who lived it. Frederick Douglass recounts his harrowing experiences as a slave and his remarkable journey to freedom. He rose to become one of the most influential abolitionists and civil rights figures. His story is both captivating and inspiring – a must-read for anyone seeking to understand the human side of slavery and its abolition in the US.
- I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings by Maya Angelou
The first of seven autobiographical volumes, this modern classic by legendary poet and activist Maya Angelou traces her life from ages three to sixteen. It offers a raw glimpse into the experiences that shaped her, from trauma and resilience to self-discovery and empowerment. Both heartbreaking and hopeful, it remains one of the most powerful explorations of identity, race and womanhood.
- Tomorrow Died Yesterday by Chimeka Garricks
As someone from the Niger-Delta region, I was immediately drawn to this book for its subject matter. Set in Rivers state, the novel follows four childhood friends – a militant, a professor-activist, an oil company executive and a lawyer – whose lives are irrevocably shaped by the oil crisis in the Niger Delta region. Years later, fate brings them back together through a series of tragic events. If you want to understand the complexities of the Niger Delta, start here and then listen to The Republic’s excellent podcast series on Ken Saro-Wiwa, which features Garricks himself.
- And So I Roar by Abi Dare
While this sequel to The Girl with the Louding Voice has received mixed reviews, hearing the author discuss it at a book club helped me see it in a new light. In this novel, Adunni finally finds her voice and becomes an advocate for women who cannot speak for themselves. It tackles critical issues such as child sex trafficking, female genital mutilation, and climate change with empathy and courage. Abi Dare continues to remind the reader of the power of education and self-expression through Adunni’s moving story.
- Dear Ijeawele or a Feminist Manifesto in Fifteen Suggestions
This concise yet powerful handbook, written as a letter to a friend, offers fifteen thoughtful suggestions on how to raise a feminist child. It is classic Chimamanda – wise, witty, and deeply resonant. Following its release, I had the privilege of attending a talk at the Southbank Centre, where she spoke about the importance of feminism in the modern age and raising the next generation to think critically about culture, identity, and gender equality.
What are some of your favourite books about empowerment and growth by black authors?
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It’s time to take control of your life
You’re 16 years old and it’s time to choose your A Levels. You want to study geography, but your parents think history is better. You concede and spend two years struggling with a subject you detest.
At 17, you’re applying to universities. You want to study Psychology but your parents don’t think it’s a serious degree. They want you to study Law instead. You listen to them since they probably know best, right?
And so it continues. You take the grad job they prefer. You follow the ‘safe’ career path, neglecting your passions and interests in the process. You date the nice girl that your friends say is better for you. You get married because your extended family is pressuring you. You have kids because the elders at church remind you about your biological clock.
At what point do you start making decisions for yourself?
Succumbing to societal expectations and peer pressure is a trap we all fall into. So I don’t want to come off sanctimonious or as though I’m above it. But as I near the end of my 20s, it’s something I’ve become hyperaware of. I look around at my peers hitting milestones, making life-altering decisions, and I can’t help but wonder “How much of this is actually for you?”
Taking control of your life does not mean you have to uproot everything and start again. It can be as simple as saying no. As thrilling as doing something that excites you. As daring as wearing that unconventional outfit. As freeing as getting that piercing you always wanted.
Some of my favourite content these days is unconventional older people. Not because I can always relate to them, but because I can see the joy that comes from living a life you’ve decided to fully make yours. It’s an inspiring reminder that it’s never too late to reclaim your life.
When it’s all said and done, can you honestly say you’ve lived a life you’re happy with? Can you say you made the choices you actually wanted to make?
At the end of the day, it’s not your family or your friends or anyone else that has to live with your choices – it’s you. You deserve to live a life that feels like it truly belongs to you.
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Sorry for the break
At the beginning of the year, I set a few goals for myself. One of them was to write two blog posts a month. It started the year strong. But by May, it all fell apart.
I could say that my summerI was SO busy that I didn’t have an hour or two to write and edit a blog post twice a month, or that I ran out of ideas. The truth is simpler: I couldn’t write.
My Google Docs is full of titles with nothing underneath them. I had the ideas in theory, but when it came time to put words down, my mind went blank. Again and again. So I stopped writing. Before I knew it, September crept up on me.
For me, September signifies new beginnings and a new season. It almost feels like a reset button, a chance to start again. So I’m using this time of ‘the great lock in’ to get back to writing.
This isn’t the deepest post I’ve ever written, but it’s me showing up again. Sometimes, that’s enough.
Speak soon.
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My favourites from 27
Ten days ago I turned 28. It feels surreal that it’s been ten years since my 18th birthday. As much as I love the concept of ageing, the concept of time still baffles me sometimes. How quickly it passes. Where does it go?
Every other year I felt like I could still pretend adulthood wasn’t real. But something about 28 feels more serious – more permanent.
I decided to do something fun to mark the end of my 27th year – a little Q&A with myself about my favourite things from 27:
Favourite book?
Little Rot by Akwaeke Emezi
I really love the way Akwaeke tackles taboo subject matters in such a gripping way. The plot twist in this book was fantastic and even though the ending left me wanting more it was more because I was being greedy than because it ended poorly. She wrapped it up really well. Definitely a book I would recommend to everyone.
Favourite film?
Blink Twice
The first time I heard about this film, I assumed it was a comedy because Channing Tatum was in it. Then I watched the trailer and realised I was very wrong. Then I watched the actual film and it was so insane and twisted, I wish I could experience it again for the first time.
Honourable mention is Sinners, which is also one of the best horror films I’ve watched since Jordan Peele’s Us. (Sidenote: I am NOT a horror person but I do enjoy Jordan Peele films)
Favourite TV show?
Rivals
The British humour got me hooked from the first episode. From the forbidden love to the corporate rivalry, this was an all-round great watch and it made me want to read the book. I’m very excited for the next season.
Favourite album?
Morayo by Wizkid
Imagine my GOAT not making this list? Morayo was a work of art. The production was phenomenal. It was some of the best writing from Wizkid in a while. Definitely the best Wizkid album in my opinion and shows clear evidence of growth in his career. I wish it was promoted more because the world needs to witness the greatness of this album. My top 5 songs are: Troubled Mind, A Million Blessings, Bad For You, Break Me Down and Apres Miniut (always subject to change).
Favourite song?
Birds of a Feather by Billie Eilish
This is such a feel-good song. Billie Eilish is such a fantastic artist and it’s hard for her to make a song that isn’t good. Something about this one just really stuck with me and I can’t go a week without listening to it.
Favourite genre?
Amapiano
This genre has held the top spot for me for almost 3 years now. This past year, it was very nearly pushed out by a resurgence of my love for R&B but it maintained that top spot. Music that never fails to make me happy and dance, even though I can’t.
Favourite playlist?
In a trance
Aside from my amapiano playlist, this was probably my most played playlist of 27 because it is an R&B playlist. Perfect for working, relaxing and singing in the shower.
Favourite restaurant?
Aviary, Finsbury Square
I had their Sunday roast in January and absolutely loved it. Bonus points because it was a bottomless wine Sunday roast and bonus bonus points because their sticky toffee pudding was divine.
Favourite food?
Garlic bread
I always have a food I hyperfixate on for a while and I think garlic bread is the one that kept coming back. Specifically M&S garlic bread but also Nando’s garlic bread.
Favourite plate?
My friends and I had a brunch in the new year when I got back from Lagos and Tadi kindly decided to cook everything. I still think about that spread.
Favourite snack?
Anything Biscoff
Biscoff biscuits, Haagen Dazs biscoff ice cream, Kit Kat Chunky biscoff, Biscoff ice cream stick. I can’t even explain my Biscoff obsession but it’s just so good!
Favourite drink?
Tropical Vibes fruit punch
The best mixer but also just a great juice. Perfect amount of sweetness to it.
Favourite concert/festival?
DLT’s The Recipe
A festival that has everything included in the price? Sign me up! Unlimited food, drinks, rides AND some of the best R&B acts out right now? A time was had!
Favourite artist I saw live?
Jazmine Sullivan
The headliner at DLT’s The Recipe, Jazmine truly stole the show. I’ve been listening to her for years now and hearing her live was a dream come true. Her live vocals somehow topped the recordings – which I didn’t think was possible.
Favourite hairstyle?
Boho braids
Whether it was the brown braids I did in summer 2024, or the blonde braids I did in December 2024 and April 2025, it’s such a beautiful hairstyle. High maintenance, but still beautiful.
Honourable mention is ponytails, but that’s just unmatched.
Favourite accessory?
Sunglasses!
For some reason I developed a sunglasses addiction this year. Fuelled by Uche Natori, I just kept buying more and more sunglasses, building a collection of stylish shades. Some of my favourites include the Lexxola Carmen and Dezi Afters.
Favourite outfit?
For me, a last minute outfit means planning it only a day or two in advance. This is partly because I like to have a Tse Oma custom piece to make me stand out. I’m slowly building my collection of Tse Oma customs and I have a lot of favourites but I think this one takes the cake:
Favourite TikTok I made?
https://vm.tiktok.com/ZNdkQ4mT2/
There’s not much else that really encompasses me as a person than this video. If you know me, you know my superpower: I can fall asleep anywhere, anytime. No questions asked. So my friends and family found this video particularly hilarious because, That’s So Mino.
27 had its ups and downs, but looking back at these little joys reminds me how rich life really is when you pay attention. Here’s to more faves in 28!
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It’s not me, it’s you
Being a sensitive overthinking girlie is hard. The smallest thing could happen and I’ll take it personally. And when I say the smallest thing, it could be a change in your tone or an unanswered call. Suddenly my mind has gone into overthinking mode and my anxiety convinces me that I am the problem, everyone hates me and I’d be better off alone. Cue me retreating into my shell and a bunch of other dramatics.
In recent years, I’ve had to actively work on getting out of this trap. Because that’s exactly what it is – a trap and a trick your mind plays on you. Feeding into negative thoughts opens up the worst can of worms because it never really stops. Anything that happens to you is all your fault and everyone hates you. It’s unhealthy and it doesn’t benefit anyone, most of all yourself.
It’s also pretty self-centred. I feel like people don’t usually talk about this aspect of it. Being convinced that you are the reason why people are acting weird can be slightly self-absorbed. It’s fair since we do live in our own heads and we are with ourselves way more than we’re with anyone else. But to get out of the trap of thinking in these negative thought patterns, here are some reasons I give myself as to why someone could be acting ‘weird’:
- They’re in a bad mood – the same way you can be off when you’re in a bad mood is the same way someone else could be. And no, they are not in a bad mood because of you. It could be someone annoying in traffic or a family member saying something to annoy them. You are not the reason behind everything bad.
- You’re in a bad mood – maybe they’ve sensed your foul mood and decided to be defensive in anticipation of your ‘weird’ energy.
- They’re distracted – maybe their energy is different because they’re not mentally present.
- They don’t recognise you – is their greeting cold and distant? Maybe they don’t recognise you. It could be dark or you could have done a different hairstyle or style of makeup.
- They’re on substances – it could be alcohol or drugs. Maybe there’s something that’s altering their personality slightly and making their interactions with you slightly different than usual.
- It’s been a while – maybe you haven’t seen or spoken to them in months or years and they’re not sure where your relationship is.
All in all, there are a plethora of reasons for why people act the way they do. And sometimes (a lot of the time) it’s not you, it’s them. The real moral of the story is to not take things personally. People will act the way they will act, sometimes you just have to leave them to their own devices.
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Guide to setting realistic goals
I’ve given up on New Year’s resolutions. In my late teens and early twenties, I swore by them. But as I got older and started feeling more bound by time limits, I decided to free myself from it all. There’s nothing wrong with setting timelines for yourself, but a year is not always enough time to make drastic changes.
What I do instead now is set goals. I try to keep them as realistic as possible and be strict with sticking to them while also not putting too much pressure on myself. Here are some of my top tips when it comes to setting realistic goals for yourself:
- Don’t put too much pressure on yourself – You might have heard the saying ‘Rome wasn’t built in a day’. Things take time. Set vague timelines but don’t be too hard on yourself if you don’t reach them. Life can sometimes get in the way and things get thrown off all the time. Your only job is to work your hardest, do your best and show up for yourself.
- Create categories – Back when I used to make resolutions, I’d split them into categories. This helped me better understand what areas I wanted to improve in. Some of the categories were mind, body, relationships (familial, platonic and romantic), finance, career, hobbies, faith, self-care. You’ll know what categories best fit the goals you’re setting for yourself.
- Set smaller goals for your bigger goal – So now you have a bunch of goals under each category. The best way to ensure that goal is attainable and within reach is to break it down into actionable steps. For example, if under the category ‘career’ your goal is to get a new job, the smaller goal could be to send out X job applications a week.
- Have regular check-ins with yourself – Set a reminder every month or every quarter to go back to your goals and see what you’ve achieved. Sometimes you don’t realise that you’re making progress until you sit with yourself and go through everything you’ve done since setting your goals.
- Have an accountability partner – If you know it’s hard for you to stick to things, find someone you know can hold you accountable. It could be your strictest friend or a no-nonsense family member. Find someone who will lovingly keep you on the right path.
- Don’t give up – Sometimes it can seem like life is against you and you just can’t win. You take three steps forward and five steps back. Keep going. It’s ok to take time out to regroup and take care of yourself, but don’t stop. Don’t let life get you down. If you keep working at it, you’ll reach your goal someday.
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Existing isn’t enough
Life can be pretty hard sometimes, so it’s easy to go into autopilot mode — just existing. But that’s not enough.
Have you ever looked back at a week (or month) and realized you’ve just been going through the motions? Wake up, work, eat, sleep, repeat? Me too. But here’s the thing—that’s not really living.
By “existing,” I mean not actively seeking out the small pockets of joy in life. Existing is just ‘getting by’ — doing the mundane, day-to-day tasks without adding anything that sparks happiness. And honestly? That can get pretty depressing after a while.
Sometimes, life feels bleak. You might be going through a tough time, or maybe it’s just the winter blues creeping in. Even in those moments, it’s important to remind yourself to actually live. Life is about the journey, not just the destination—so why not have some fun along the way?
That’s why this year, I’m making a conscious effort to choose joy — to really live, not just exist. For me, living means actively going out and making things happen. I refuse to let disappointment rob me of the simple pleasures life has to offer.
This means doing things that make me happy. Making time for my hobbies. Scheduling time with the people I love. Creating moments that bring me joy, instead of waiting for joy to find me.
But what does that actually look like? If you’re feeling stuck in a cycle of just existing, here are a few small (but meaningful) ways to inject joy into your daily life:
1. Romanticise your life – Make the ordinary feel special. Play music while you cook, light candles in the evening, take your morning coffee outside.
2. Try something new – Take a dance class, try a new recipe, explore a different part of your city. Breaking routine keeps life exciting.
3. Prioritise people who bring you joy – Reach out to friends, plan meetups, or even just send a heartfelt text to someone you love.
4. Get outside – Fresh air can do wonders for your mood. Take a walk, sit in the sun, or go for a little adventure.
5. Move your body in a way that feels good – Whether it’s yoga, pilates, weightlifting, or just dancing around your room, movement boosts your energy.
6. Laugh more – Watch a funny show, listen to a comedy podcast, or just be silly with friends. Laughter is instant joy.
7. Create something – Write, paint, cook, make music — express yourself in whatever way feels natural.
8. Practice gratitude – At the end of each day, jot down three things that made you smile. This helps to shift your focus to the good.
9. Unplug for a while – Social media can be draining. Take a break and be present in the real world.
10. Give yourself something to look forward to – Plan a weekend getaway, a self-care day, or even just a special meal. Anticipation creates excitement.
At the end of the day, life is meant to be lived, not just endured. You don’t have to wait for a huge event or major life change to feel joy — you can create it in small ways, every day.
Ask yourself: What’s one thing you can do today to bring a little more joy into your life?
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Compatibility is key
I was wondering why I kept seeing so many people around my age getting engaged and married. What happened? Did I miss a memo? Until I realised: oh, we’re at that age now. We’re getting to our late 20s, early 30s and everyone is starting to settle down and move into the next phase of their lives: marriage and family.
Unfortunately what that means for everyone that isn’t married or engaged yet is that there’s a mad rush to settle down. This can mean choosing the most convenient person around and moving into that next phase of life with them, which can mean compromising on what you thought was your ideal partner for the partner you can have right now.
Don’t get me wrong, it’s ok and sometimes even necessary to compromise when it comes to finding a partner. But what I don’t believe in compromising on is compatibility. Compatibility in a relationship can mean different things to different people. I’ve put together a list of key areas of compatibility to assess when you want to settle down:
- Communication style & conflict resolution – Communication style goes beyond whether you’re a texter or a caller, even though this can also be important. Think about how you express yourselves, how well you listen to each other and how you handle conflicts. It’s ok if one person prefers to take a breather first before handling a disagreement and one person prefers to address it straight away, as long as you both work toward finding a middle ground.
- Core values – These are things I really don’t think you should compromise on. It’s very important that your core beliefs are aligned if not the same. This can be your beliefs on religion & spirituality, family, work, politics, generally what is important to you in life.
- Social compatibility – Sometimes an introvert and an extrovert in a relationship complement each other well. Sometimes they don’t. It’s all about asking yourself what works for you and what doesn’t. Also look at how you interact with their family & friends, and how they interact with yours. Contrary to popular belief, it is quite important to like the people in your partner’s life, and for them to like you too. However, it’s also important to note how your partner interacts with their family & friends, and if these are people that are important to them. Consider the dynamics at play and whether you can comfortably navigate them in the long term.
- Emotional needs – Before entering a relationship you need to make sure both you and your partner are emotionally available. Luckily, it’s not that hard to tell. Look at how they support you emotionally and if that suffices for someone you’d likely be coming to with a lot of emotional needs. I believe attachment styles also fall under this. Attachment styles reflect how you approach relationships shaped by the bond formed with your primary caregiver in your early years. You can take a quiz to find out your attachment style here. It’s important to work through those on your own before entering a relationship.
- Physical intimacy – This is underrated and often overlooked. It’s important in a relationship to ensure that you are on the same page physically and sexually. Are you into the same things? It’s ok to want your partner to try new things, it is not ok to force them into trying new things. Just find someone that matches your freak.
- Lifestyle & interests – I’ve seen a lot of gym girlies and guys talking about this one recently, about how they could never date someone that doesn’t go to the gym because they need their lifestyle choices to align in this respect. I completely understand. Be with someone who your lifestyle choices align or, at the very least, do not oppose each other. Look at their daily routines, approaches to health, etc. Make sure you have a few interests in common so you have things you can enjoy together.
- Finances – This is looking into your partner’s attitudes to money; how they save, spend and plan for their money. While this is an area I believe you can easily compromise on and even teach each other a thing or two, it’s important to be aligned on your attitudes to money. While finances are an area where partners can often learn from each other, differing financial priorities can still be a source of conflict. Discussing shared financial goals early in your relationship is key.
- Future goals – What are your visions for the future? Where do you see yourself in the next five or 10 years? This question feels a bit awkward in a job interview but in a relationship it is absolutely essential. While you may be looking for marriage and children, your potential partner may be firmly against both. Make sure you’re aligned on where you’re headed.
You do not have to be identical in all areas with your partner, but it is important to know what areas you’re aligned in and what areas you’re willing to compromise in. Remember that compatibility isn’t about perfection, it’s about finding someone who aligns with your values, supports your growth, and is willing to build a life with you that feels right for both of you. Making a list of your non-negotiables and not budging on them could save you so much heartbreak. Take some time to assess these areas in your current or future relationships.
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The Wonderful World of Minotaur 